It really was a harebrained scheme – building a ladder to the moon – and Carly was laughed out of every scientific convention she presented it to.
“Perhaps the laws of physics do not apply in the world you are inhabiting, young lady.” She was told again and again, “But we simply cannot fund this insane project!”
But Carly knew that it was just a matter of time before someone realized the brilliance of her idea, and as she was not put off by mere matters of economics, she began the construction phase anyway.
Months later the ladder was finally complete, just in time for the Nobel Prize Committee. No one could quite explain how it was possible, but then there it was! Everyone wanted to know:
“How did you do it?”
“When one’s cat gets stuck on the moon,” Carly simply told them, “One will do almost anything to save it.”
Piles of human bones rained down onto Ariel’s head as she fell into the pit. One of her ankles gave out on impact and as she heard a tell-tale snapping sound, a wave of pain rolled over her. Gasping, Ariel grabbed a femur as a makeshift cane and tried to stand.
“You’ll never get away with this!” She bellowed at Professor Hinz, whose face just visible over the cusp of the pit.
“Please. We both know you can’t escape!” The Professor carefully dusted off his elbow patches. “I’ll claim you were tragically killed during a freak anthropological accident and keep all the glory for myself!”
Ariel was about to let loose a string of profanity that would make a corpse blush when she heard a shuffling sound nearby.
The Mummy staggered around the corner, wailing incoherently. Before he could scream it wrapped its bandaged hands firmly around Professor Hinz’s throat.
As the heavy rains fell, the waters rose into roiling deathtraps; cliffs turned to waterfalls, ditches turned to creeks, and creeks turned into even bigger creeks. Mega-creeks. Jules looked out the window at the brown, churning flow of water running through her backyard. It looked like something out of Willy Wonka’s nightmare.
“A good day to stay inside.” She muttered to her cats.
There was a knock at the door. Jules pulled her bathrobe tighter and answered.
“Juliet!” Her sour-mouthed neighbor, Gladys was on the porch. “Is that how you always answer the door?!” Jules frowned.
“Did you need something?”
“Yes! President Poopkins got through your fence and fell into your creek! Since you’re unemployed and never busy you have to go out there and save him!”
“Oh I totally would, Gladie!” Jules grinned. “But you see… I have to wash my hair.” And with that she slammed the door.
Orville Reading, whose official title was Implementer of Future Technologies and Worldwide Social and Strategic Developments Coordinator – or so it said on his business card – was waiting patiently for his copies to finish. The actual content of them was worthless, but each day he made over three thousand copies because it sounded like work.
Of course, since no one had checked up on Orville since he had been hired three years ago, this busy work was purely a formality.
Orville had also taken to leaving the copier lid open while his documents were scanned; he had become convinced that the endless flashing lights, if looked at long enough, would show him his future. After several hours he would become very lightheaded and giddy.
“You have retinal cancer.” His doctor told him at his appointment six months later. “And I’m afraid it’s terminal.”
“I think… I already knew that.” Orville smirked.
When the tide was right Lily pushed off from the sand and set sail. Her vessel was small; just big enough for five stuffed animals, a blanket and some crackers. That night as she rocked on the waves, Lily curled up with her five best friends and looked up at the salty stars until she drifted off to sleep.
In the morning, however, the boat had sprung a leak. Lily threw everything but her stuffed animals overboard, but still she was sinking. She clung to her friends tightly.
“Don’t worry guys.” She whispered through her tears.
There was a thumping sound as two sea otters poked their heads up curiously.
“Please help us!” Lily begged. One otter nibbled a discarded cracker and pointed at Lily’s stuffed giraffe. “Oh, this one?” She handed the over the toy, and soon the otters were towing Lily and her four remaining friends to shore.